Me and my buddy got us a wild hair
And figured we wanted to go somewhere
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So we loaded up in my ragtop Chevrolet
We had a little bit of money
and a whole lot of show
And with Hank Junior blaring on the radio
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We got a tank full of gas
and we was on our way
We figured we'd go down to New Orleans
We were barrelling' down old 17
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When a man
with a blinking red light was on our tail
He said, "You were doin' 60 in a 45
But I'm gonna let you go this time
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But if I catch you again,
I'm gonna slap you in the county jail"
We said, "Thank you sir, you sure been nice
And you ain't gonna have to tell us twice"
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And we were Southbound
and down with the wind blowing in our faces
We kept on rolling and pretty soon
The radio was cooking out a haggard tune
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And we were pulling into Houston
and checking out all the places
I was feeling dry and I said, "I think
We ought to stop and get ourselves a drink"
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Old Jim said, "Yeah 'cause we got time to kill"
We kept on rolling and I seen this spot
We pulled into the parking lot
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Of this place called,
'The Cloud Nine Bar and Grill'
We walked through the door
and the place was jammed
The lights were low,
they had a punk rock band
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And some orange haired feller
singing about suicide
I said, "Jim, this ain't our kind of place
He said, "Well,
let's just have one round anyway"
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So against my better judgment
we walked on inside
Went up to the bar and we sat down
This feller walked up
and said, "I'll buy this round"
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And he sat down
on the barstool next to Jim
He looked like a girl but he talked like a guy
He had lipstick on and mascara in his eyes
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And everybody in that place
looked just about like him
I said, "Jim, this ain't our kind of bar
Let's just go on out and get back in the car
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'Cause there's gonna be trouble,
ain't no sense in taking a chance"
We was getting up, getting ready to leave
When somebody
grabbed old Jim by the sleeve
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And this good looking girl,
she was asking my buddy to dance
I said, "Jim, don't do it,
there's something missing
There's fellers dancing and fellers kissing
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There's a feller in high heeled shoes
wearing panty hose"
He said, "Partner, I just can't turn this down
You just go over there
and have one more round
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I'll dance with the lady
and we'll get on down the road"
So he walked away and left me alone
But this funny looking feller kept coming on
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And he was making me mad
with some of the things he said
Then he put his hand on my knee
I said, "If you don't get your paw off me
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I'm gonna locate your nose
around the other side of your head"
He said, "I love it
when you get that fire in your eye
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I said, "Well, partner try this on for size"
And I unloaded on him
and he went out like a light
Everybody in that place
must have been his friend
They all headed for me, I said, "This is the end"
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But where I come from,
we don't give up without a fight
They were screaming and yelling
and scratching and clawing
I was punching
and hitting and kicking and pawing
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I was holding my own,
'cause I've been in a scrap or two
Old Jim come running up out of the blue
And that gal he was with,
come running up too
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And proceeded to beat on me
with a high heel shoe
I grabbed her by the hair
it came off in my hand
And that beautiful girl was just a beautiful man
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And old Jim
just got sick right there on the floor
He dropped that dude like a shot from a gun
Smeared his lipstick, made his makeup run
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And me and old Jim
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started fighting our way to the door
Man, we lit out of there in that Chevrolet
I put in on the floor
and it stayed that way
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We was going' down the highway
doing about a hundred and ten
We were headed for home
and we was getting nearer
Then a red light came on the rear view mirror
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And that same blame cop
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was pulling us over again
Now I'm sitting' here in this county jail
I had to call my Daddy to go our bail
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But I learned me a lesson
that I never will forget again
I've done give up drinking',
I've give up bars
And running
around the country in souped up cars
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I'm going back where the women
are women and the men are men
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The Charlie Daniels Band 
