Me and my buddy got us a wild hair
And figured we wanted to go somewhere
So we loaded up in my ragtop Chevrolet
We had a little bit of money
And with Hank Junior blaring on the radio
We got a tank full of gas
We figured we'd go down to New Orleans
We were barrelling' down old 17
with a blinking red light was on our tail
He said, "You were doin' 60 in a 45
But I'm gonna let you go this time
But if I catch you again,
I'm gonna slap you in the county jail"
We said, "Thank you sir, you sure been nice
And you ain't gonna have to tell us twice"
and down with the wind blowing in our faces
We kept on rolling and pretty soon
The radio was cooking out a haggard tune
And we were pulling into Houston
and checking out all the places
I was feeling dry and I said, "I think
We ought to stop and get ourselves a drink"
Old Jim said, "Yeah 'cause we got time to kill"
We kept on rolling and I seen this spot
We pulled into the parking lot
'The Cloud Nine Bar and Grill'
We walked through the door
they had a punk rock band
And some orange haired feller
I said, "Jim, this ain't our kind of place
let's just have one round anyway"
So against my better judgment
Went up to the bar and we sat down
and said, "I'll buy this round"
on the barstool next to Jim
He looked like a girl but he talked like a guy
He had lipstick on and mascara in his eyes
And everybody in that place
looked just about like him
I said, "Jim, this ain't our kind of bar
Let's just go on out and get back in the car
'Cause there's gonna be trouble,
ain't no sense in taking a chance"
We was getting up, getting ready to leave
grabbed old Jim by the sleeve
And this good looking girl,
she was asking my buddy to dance
I said, "Jim, don't do it,
there's something missing
There's fellers dancing and fellers kissing
There's a feller in high heeled shoes
He said, "Partner, I just can't turn this down
and we'll get on down the road"
So he walked away and left me alone
But this funny looking feller kept coming on
with some of the things he said
Then he put his hand on my knee
I said, "If you don't get your paw off me
I'm gonna locate your nose
around the other side of your head"
when you get that fire in your eye
I said, "Well, partner try this on for size"
and he went out like a light
must have been his friend
They all headed for me, I said, "This is the end"
we don't give up without a fight
They were screaming and yelling
and scratching and clawing
and hitting and kicking and pawing
'cause I've been in a scrap or two
Old Jim come running up out of the blue
And that gal he was with,
And proceeded to beat on me
I grabbed her by the hair
And that beautiful girl was just a beautiful man
just got sick right there on the floor
He dropped that dude like a shot from a gun
Smeared his lipstick, made his makeup run
started fighting our way to the door
Man, we lit out of there in that Chevrolet
We was going' down the highway
doing about a hundred and ten
and we was getting nearer
Then a red light came on the rear view mirror
was pulling us over again
Now I'm sitting' here in this county jail
I had to call my Daddy to go our bail
But I learned me a lesson
that I never will forget again
I've done give up drinking',
around the country in souped up cars
I'm going back where the women
are women and the men are men
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