Performed by Adam Sandler and Jennifer Lien "And now the buf
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foon's date at the drive- in with the school's valedictorian."
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Va ledictorian: "I really appreciate you're asking me out. Most
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people are intimidated by my high academic achievement."
Buffoon: "This movie sucks shit!"
Valedictorian: "Well, Ebel gave it thumbs up,
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but Ciscel thought it was too preachy. Anyway, I enjoyed the director's last film immensly."
Buffoon: "Cathleen Turner has big
fuckin' tits!"
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Valedictorian: "Yes, well, she recently had a child. I think her maternal biology may play a role in that.
She looks fabulous for a woman her age, doesn't she?"
Buffoon: "I put a firecracker in a bullfrog's mouth
and blew his fuckin' head off."
Valedictorian: "Well, in psychology we learned that it is not uncommon for male adoles
cents to commit savage acts on animals as part of their maturing process."
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Buffoon: "That girl in the fucking car in front of us,
she gives everybody head."
Valedictorian: "Well, I guess she's strong for attention
and she feels promiscuity is the only way to ob tain it."
(Buffoon eating popcorn)
Buffoon: "This popcorn's fuckin' terrible. It tastes like
someone jizzed all over it."
(Buffoon continues to eat popcorn)
Valedictorian: "Well the amount of semen on this popcorn is certainly disturbing. Perhaps the staff in the refreshment
stand was overcome by the monotony of their work and decided to play a childish prank."
Buffoon: "I looked at my asshole in the mirror today.
It blew my fuckin' mind!"
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Valedictorian: "It's ironic that parts of one's body seems odd and unusu
al because you don't see them on a day to day basis.
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Buffoon: "My father's shit stinks up the bathroom
all fuckin' day!"
Valedictorian: "It's puzzling why one person's fecal odor can be more overpowering than another's.
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I wonder whether it is a function of the food digested or that person's internal metabolism."
Buffoon: "I'm gonna go get head from
that fuckin' girl."
(Gets out of the car)
Valedictorian: "Well, I'm sorry to see the
date come to such an abrubt conclusion."
(Buffoon walking away)
"I do appreciate the time you spent with me and look forward
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to a future rondevue."
Buffoon: "I like to piss in that
guy's fuckin' gas tank!"
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Valedictorian: "Bye bye! Have fun."
(Buffoon continues to walk away)
Adam Sandler 
