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Hello, good evening, and welcome to the very final
edition of your favourite television quiz programme,
Spot the
Brain
Cell.
30 minutes of cheerful ritual humiliation of the old and greedy,
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and could we have our first contestant, please?
Thank you,
Jean.
Good evening, madam, and your name is?
Yes,
Michael.
Charlie, good.
And what is your name?
I go to church regularly.
I see.
And which particular prize
do you have eyes for this evening?
I'd like the blow on the head.
The blow on the head.
Just there, where it hurts.
Charlie good weather madam your first question for the blow
on the head this evening is which great opponent of
Cartesian dualism
resists the reduction of
Psychological phenomena to a physical state and insists there is no
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point of contact between the extended and the unextended
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Well have a guess is
the correct
I don't like darkies!
She doesn't like darkies.
Who does?
Well now,
Mrs
Scum,
your second question for
the blow on the head is
what is the main food eaten
by penguins?
What is the principal food
that penguins eat?
Pork luncheon meat.
Nope.
Spam.
No, no, no, no, no.
Penguins, penguins.
Horses.
No.
Armchairs.
No, no, no.
All right, all right.
Take it easy.
Now, I'll give you a clue.
Oh, I know, I know, I know.
Brian
Clough.
No, no, no.
Brian
Johnson.
Brian
English.
No,
Brian
Ford.
Nanette
Newman.
Now listen, I'll give you one more clue.
One more clue.
What lives in the sea
and gets caught in nets?
Goats.
Nope.
Underwater goats with snorkels
and flippers.
Nope, nope.
A buffalo with an aqualung.
Nope.
Vegetable maudlin.
Yes, that's near enough,
I'll give you that.
Right, now, you have won tonight's
star prize.
Do you still want the blow on the head?
Oh, yes, please,
Markle.
I'm offering you a poke in the eye.
No, no.
All right, then, a punch in the throat.
No, no.
My very last offer,
Mrs.
Scum, a knee in the temple an
d a dagger up the clitoris.
That's very tempting.
I've never had one up there before.
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Now, I'd still have the
blow on the head.
Right, the blow on the head.
Mrs.
Scum, your one tonight, star prize.
The blow of the...
G'day,
Bruce.
G'day,
Bruce.
How are you,
I'm a bit crooked,
Bruce. I just saw a pommy
streaker in the
Elscourt
Road.
Must have looked like a bald pommy.
Good evening, ladies and
Bruce's.
Bruce and myself come from the
Philosophical
Department of the
University of
Woolloomooloo.
I'm in charge of logical positivism,
and
Bruce is in charge of the sheep death.
And we've been asked to come along here and tell you
a little about some of the wonderful
philosophers we study in
Australia.
We've agreed to tell you a little about these
philosophers under one condition.
Condition one, no porters!
What's the condition?
No porters!
There's a couple of
Digger
Deviants up there in the balcony I
think, apart from that we're
fairly safe.
Well spotted
Bruce.
Monty Python 
