I find the moment I let a woman make friends with me, she becomes jealous,
exacting, suspicious and a damn nuisance.
I find the moment that I make friends with a woman,
I become selfish and tyrannical.
So here I am, confirmed old bach
elor and likely to remain so.
After all,
Pickering, I'm an ordinary man,
Who desires nothing more than
just the ordinary chance
To live exactly as he likes and
do precisely what he wants
An average man of mine,
of no eccentric will
Who likes to live his life free of strife
Doing whatever he
thinks is best for him
Just an ordinary man
But, let a woman in your life,
and your serenity is through.
She'll redecorate your home
from the cellar to the dome,
then go on to the enthralling fun
of overhauling you.
Oh, let a woman in your life,
and you're up against a wall.
Make a plan and you will find she has
something else in mind,
and so rather than do either,
you do something else
that neither likes at all.
If you want to talk of
Keats or
Milton,
she only wants to talk of love.
You go to see a play or ballet
and spend it searching for her glove.
Or let a wo man in your life
and invite eternal strife.
Let them buy their wedding bands
for those anxious little hands.
I'd be equally as willing
for a dentist to be drilling,
than to ever let a wo man in my life.
I'm a very gentle man, even -tempered and good -natured,
whom you never hear complain,
who has the milk of human kind
ness by the quart in every vein.
A patient man am
I, down to my fingertips,
the sort who never could, ever would,
Let an insulting remark
escape his lips.
He's a very gentle man.
But let a woman in your life
Patience hasn't got a chance.
She will beg you for advice,
your reply will be concise,
and she'll listen very nicely,
then go out and do precisely what she wants.
You are a man of grace and polish,
Who never spoke above a hush
Now all at once you're using language
That would make a sailor blush
Oh, let a woman in your life
And you're plunging in a knife
Let the others of my sex
Tie the knot around their necks
I'd prefer a new edition
Of the
Spanish
Inquisition
Than to ever let a woman in my life
I'm a quiet living man who prefers to spend
the evenings in the silence of his
room, who likes an atmosphere as restful as an undiscovered tomb,
a pensive man
of mine, of philosophic joys, who likes to meditate,
contemplate, free from
Humanity's mad in human noise.
Just a quiet living room.
But let a woman in your life,
And your sabbatical is through.
In a line that never ends,
Come an army of her friends,
Come to jab her and to chatter,
And to tell her what the
matter is with you.
She'll have a booming,
boisterous family,
Who will descend on you en masse?
She'll have a large
Wagnerian mother
With a voice that shatters glass!
Oh, let a woman in your life!
Let a woman in your life!
Let a woman in your life!
I shall never let a
woman in my life.