키: G# minor•
Verse 1
for families.
Gathering around a tree
and opening presents together,
we always see everybody getting
But they never depict the dysfunctional
families.
Well, here's how that would go,
and it's really not funny
because I think I know this family.
I go first. I go first.
Hey, my present's wet.
I think the dog peed on it.
Oh, that wasn't the dog.
That was your daddy.
He just had a little bit too much
eggnog last night.
You know, I hope he spends
as much money on me this Christmas
as he does on that damn booze.
I could use an aeroplane.
Get off my back.
Oh, get on mine.
In fact, get on my back,
my front, my side, anything.
We ain't had sex since the first Noel.
Maybe if you cleaned up a few feet of this house,
we could have sex there.
Well, I had sex with
both your brothers
and we liked it.
I don't have any brothers.
You don't?
Well, they was somebody's
brothers.
Hey, you two, stop it.
It's Jesus's birthday,
for Christ's sake.
Where's your teeth, Grandma?
I don't know.
Good luck finding
them in this pig pen.
Hey, cool.
I got an erector set.
No, I sent away for an erection set
for your daddy.
They just sent that by mistake.
I don't know why you get
the baby anything.
He's only one.
All he does is play with a box.
Yeah, don't knock it till you tried it.
I've tried it.
Where's my beer?
My turn. What's this?
Oh, I love those.
It's fake chattering teeth.
Let's see where you wind it.
Wait a minute.
This looks like long cut chew.
Grandma, are those your teeth?
I get confused.
That explains why I added the
pens in my stocking.
Here honey, I hid your
present in my mouth.
Oh, oh, where'd it go?
It was a necklace.
Oh well,
guess we'll find it in the morning.
Gross!
Last year you gave me
some long rubbery thing
that smelled like vinegar.
When can we put her in a home?
She's in a home.
We're living in her home.
Maybe if you had a better job.
Oh, just screw it.
Here's your present, you big fat loser.
Merry Christmas.
Uh, Jitsu, what is this?
A knockoff of a high karate?
It don't make no difference what it is.
You just gonna try to drink it
anyway.
There's no point opening
your gift.
It's a dress I bought a week ago.
I'm sure it's too small by now.
Well, I don't want your dress.
I just want a divorce.
Guess what?
We're not even married.
The guy who
performed the ceremony
was drunk I found in an alley.
He did it for five bucks. Yeah, sucker.
What else have you given
drunks in an alley five
dollars to do?
Are you guys fighting?
Boy, I wish I was adopted.
Shut up, you little babies.
When I was your age,
there was 14 kids.
And we all got to lick a lollipop just one at a time,
and then it was back
to work at the factory.
Merry Christmas!
I give up.
Let's just sing, y 'all.
It's beginning to look a
Everywhere we go
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